Introducing 70×7 Stories

I don’t know you, but if you are anything like me, then it is highly likely you have a family. And based on my experience, I feel sorry for anybody who has one.

Back in the days of Jesus, Peter once asked the Lord, “How oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” Upon reading this, I immediately empathized with Peter’s frustration. No doubt, that very morning, Peter just found out that his brother stole his Gameboy (or biblical equivalent) and pawned it for drug money. Peter was hoping for an easy way to write off his family, guilt free. The Lord’s response must have been disheartening, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

Many claim this is a figure of speech meaning eternal forgiveness, but I’m motivated to takie it literally. Is this an unachievable goal? Well, my family experience has certainly made it a goal to shoot for.

So join me as I chronicle my attempts to forgive my family for everything they have done to me over the past 3 decades with the objective of relieving me from this commandment once and for all.

By the way, as you read these stories, understand that the first names of my family have been changed in fear that their identities might be stolen, and mostly because I feel sorry for the people who ends up with those identities.

Now let’s meet the family:

Chandler Moon (Songwriter & Forgiveness Counter)

Chandler is the youngest son and uncontested favorite child. He has spent a good portion of his life on earth being subjected to the chaos that is his family and consequently shaking his head in disbelief. Psychologists unanimously agree that Chandler uses humor to suppress disturbing emotional trauma. According to some, “Chandler has no hope of a normal life.”

Sonny Moon (Dad & Wannabe Mountain Man)

Sonny is the father of the Moon family. This is only a stepping stone on the way to his dream of being a free-roaming mountain man. He currently struggles with the fast paced realities of the 21st century. He also struggled with a good portion of the 20th century.  Understandably, he finds himself so bewildered about the here and now that it forces him to take a nap on the couch.

Starla Moon (Mom & Steak Over-Cooker)

Starla is the mother and spiritual torch bearer. Mother has spent a lot of time preparing for this role by praying–not so much that she would be good at it, but that all the other family members wouldn’t drive her insane. So far, the prayers have not worked. She is also known as the “Over-cooker of Steak”.

Amanda Moon (Sister & Vampire)

Amanda is Chandler’s sister. Amanda missed her chance to star as a character in a supernatural movie, but critics agree she could have played a very convincing vampire. When Chandler and Amanda are around each other, all the other cast members think they act weird. She is best known for her catch phrase, “I’m sorry, Mom and Dad.”

Mooner Moon (Brother & Torturer)

Mooner is Chandler’s older brother. Mooner got his nickname from his hell-raising friends during a period in his life when he was a menace to society. He was put on this earth to help others learn from his mistakes.

Ruby Moon (Wife & Support System)

Ruby is Chandler beautiful wife and offers indefatigable support. For reasons that can’t be explained, she joined the the Moon Family and usually has a good attitude about it. For this she has secured for herself a place in heaven.

Bandit (Family Dog & Nothing Else)

Bandit is the family dog. Bandit was the runt of the litter and has been trying to prove himself ever since, just like Chandler.